Holy shit it’s New Years Eve.
I always say I love New Years more than Christmas. I dunno, it just do. It’s a time to reflect and look back at where you were and where you’re going. Not to mention if you’re like me, you’ll be doing your fullest glam ever and drinking lots of champagne. I always get a bit sentimental when this time of year rolls around.
This year was a weird one for me, but very transformative. I said goodbye to my early 20s (hi quarter life crisis botox! Jk, still haven’t messed with my face), and hello to “the back end of my 20s”, as my stepdad so lovingly reminded me. So much happened. I quit a toxic job, quit a toxic relationship, and reevaluated toxic friendships. It was basically a big life cleanse. I also lost my anonymity as a blogger! That was a huge one for me. I was scared shitless to come out of the closet on the internet, just fearing judgement for whatever reason. But I think it’s good to do things that scare you because then you grow. I can’t stand feeling stagnant. Since I’ve finally put my face out there I’ve had nothing but good things come my way.
This year, or after this summer really, I started to become the most confident I had ever felt. Realizing that I’m 4 years to 30 gave me a real “f*** this” attitude. I took a good hard look at my life and what was bringing me joy and happiness, and what wasn’t. As a reminder, I even got a freaking gold necklace made that I wear every day! I made a pact with myself I wouldn’t get that necklace until I ended toxic chapters of my life. Read more on it here. Life really is too short to put energy into things that don’t build you up. I had developed a lot of negative tendencies and mood swings based simply on the fact that I was ignoring what I knew I needed to do to fix my life. I shopped too much, I would lash out at people, and nothing was ever good enough.
Thankful for all of you
This blog really was a saving grace for me this summer and fall. I hated being at home. It felt like a prison. Creating flatlays with flowers and planning my next posts were what kept me sane when I wasn’t at work. Also, engaging with you guys is the best thing ever and really has brightened all of my days. I’m glad you now have a face to a name :). I’m grateful for every comment on every post, and all of your messages! It’s so much fun doing this- being creative with makeup looks, sharing new products, hauls, reviews, and keeping it 100.
On love & trinkets
I learnt a lot about life in 2018, but I think my biggest lesson is that if you open your heart and remove your expectations, the best things will come your way. My Caribbean trip was a total unexpected blessing- I felt like I lived a life on Mustique in those ten days I was there. I literally went with a bunch of 80 year olds and had the time of my life. (There will be a travel post coming, trust!). I met amazing people, did crazy things, and fell in love with life again.
I’m struggling to write this paragraph because maybe it’s too honest, but I’m all about keeping it real so screw it. If we’re never honest are we really living? In my previous relationship, I always needed more more more. We’d be at dinner and I’d complain because the table wasn’t good, or the day would be ruined because we never planned anything and bickered instead, or he bought the wrong wine. None of those little things mattered- all I wanted was to be noticed and to feel loved.
My dad actually really surprised me when I told him I was officially single- he’s never been easy to impress, no one ever has a good enough job etc, but the first thing he said was, “you need someone who will make you laugh“. It’s true. No fancy trinkets and dinners can ever replace genuinely good laughter and conversation. Funny thing about love is it doesn’t act fair. But that’s okay. Life happens, shit happens. I have so many memories to smile about.
2018: WTF was that?
This was a weird year. I feel like it was a weird year for a lot of people. It was full of a lot of emotional pain, but from it I grew a lot. I learnt that no one will change your life for you, and to always trust your gut. My aunt, who I don’t talk to nearly enough, told me I’m a strong ass lady and that meant a lot. I know she’ll be reading this, so just know I love you and I miss you so much. I think life is too short to be scared to say how you feel, to not stand up for yourself and to not go after the things you want. Just go for it! What do you have to lose? One of my worst fears is having regrets, thinking “what if?“.
Cheers my dears.
Cheers to 2019 babes. I hope it’s full of love and laughter, travel, growth, and beautiful moments! If you’re still here, thank you for reading until the end.
Happy new year,